I covet

There are a million reasons why I cannot, should not, and will not have one of these:
But I could look at pictures of bulldog puppies all day.

Get OUT!!

This one is gay????? Next you're going to tell me that right is left, that up is down.

My world just doesn't make sense now.

In all seriousness though, this has to be the least shocking closet exodus of all time.

I wonder if this lady's ovaries have stopped shaking now.

Diaper excitement!

I had no idea how complicated cloth diapering was going to be! I basically had to learn a brand new language to be able to navigate through all the different websites and products out there. But now I am well-versed in the ways of cloth. And I am seriously so excited to put our baby in these things! Check out the cuteness!

Ok, ok, you're not as excited as I am, I can tell. And that's ok. I'd really like to promise y'all that this is not going to turn into a Baby Lornitzo blog, but who can say what the future holds. If I'm getting this excited about baby poop collection methods, then well, I can't make any promises.

The Life Pursuit

Good times at work this weekend, folks! Friday night, 45 minutes into my shift, I called my first code, and my patient died. So suddenly, so sadly, so totally alone. In fact, she is still in the hospital morgue because there is no one to claim her body and pay for a burial. She did not have even one person in her life who would be bothered by her death. And she was not old, not at all.

(Happy Monday y'all!)

Then, this morning, 45 minutes before my shift was to end, I found myself trapped in a room with a batshitcrazy bipolar 6-foot tall woman who seemed to mean business when it came to potentially kicking my pregnant behind all over that room. I managed to talk her down and get her away from the door so I could exit that very hostile and scary environment. All I could think about was her punching me right in the stomach.

I am many months into the "ready for a significant change" phase in my career, and this weekend just solidified it even further. I am really looking forward to my 3-month maternity leave so I can evaluate and make a new plan.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!!
On this day a year ago, I married Adam, and most of you were there with us! "They" say the first year of marriage is the hardest. If that is true, then we are in for a fine life together because this has been a really great year. I won't get all sentimental on here, but I had to at least acknowledge this very special day. We are going to New Orleans tonight and are staying at the same hotel we stayed at for our honeymoon. We are going to a concert and we are going to eat good food and year-old wedding cake and we are going to lounge about poolside and we are going to probably be pretty shmoopy. Should be grand!

A promise to you!

Faithful readers, you have my word: if I do end up using the baby cage or the shopping cart seat cover, I will document it in photos, which I will post on this blog. I am not afraid to eat crow. I'll probably do it quite a bit since I seem to have some pretty lofty ideas regarding parenthood.

A disclaimer - I'm pretty sure Adam and I have no idea just how drastically life is about to change. We think we have a good idea, but we also know there could come a day when we understand the brilliance behind the baby cage. I will give each of you your well-earned chance at a good "I told ya so!" should that day come.

Goodbye David Foster Wallace

This:
A seriously fine commencement speech


Also, this:

What tha?

There is so much CRAP out there you can buy for your baby. I subscribe to this weekly update through a website called BabyCenter so I can see how the baby is growing each week. Well, because they have my email address, I also have to put up with the occasional email full of "helpful" tips for new moms. Today I got an email about how much I can expect to spend on my baby the first year. The average mother who visits BabyCenter.com spends $10,000 in the first year. TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. I wanted to throw up.

I also visited the Babies"R"Us website today, and there are plenty of opportunities to blow 10 grand on a bunch of junk.

Exhibit A: This baby cage is $70, and it really really depresses me.

Exhibit B: A shopping cart cover! Seriously? For the bargain price of $40.

What.In.The.Hell.
No apologies to any readers out there who bought either of these items. I am not judging. I'm just saying, it's ridiculous. Ok, I'm judging. Sorry.

Broken Record

I had some variation of the following conversation no fewer than 10 times this past weekend at work with a little old demented lady:

Little Old Demented Lady: "Young lady, ya like to drink iced tea?"
Me: "Of course!"
LODL: "You ever try cherries in it?" (pronounced with a "w" instead of an "r")
Me: "Why, no! That sounds delicious"
LODL: "I tell you what you do: you put a few cherries in the tea, and then you put a teaspoon of cherry juice in there. Mmmmm it's so good. I tell you what else you can do is you can put cherries in your milk! You ever thought of that?"
Me: "No, but that sounds like something I'd like to try!"

And so on and so forth. Rinse and repeat a few hours later.

Towards the end I couldn't help but to mess with her a little bit. She'd start to ask me if I drink iced tea and I'd say "Yeah, you know what's great is to put CHERRIES in there!!" and then we'd have this fake little bond for a little while.

No Room in the Inn

Apparently I will just keep getting bigger. And then I'll have a baby. And then I'll get smaller.

Homemade Chicken Pot Pie

Mix together:
-some chicken (I usually debone a small chicken, but you can use canned chicken if you are in a pinch, or even just a few boiled chicken breasts)
-a can of Veg-All
-a can of cream of chicken soup
-a heaping spoon full of sour cream
-some shredded cheddar cheese (amount: oodles)

Throw it in a pie dish with some ready-made pie crusts, pop it in a 350 oven for about 20 minutes, and you've got yourself a fine chicken pot pie. Let it cool for about 15 minutes before you cut into it, or else the middle will be kinda soupy.

Admittedly, I feel like I'm cheating by calling this "homemade," since I didn't make the pie crusts and canned goods were involved. But still, I think it qualifies in a loose sort of way.

Obsession

I find myself calculating pretty much everything in terms of Baby L. I look at the 10-day weather forecast and think "at the end of this 10 days, I'll have about 5 weeks to go." I can now count on 2 hands the number of times I'll probably have to really clean my house again before the baby comes. It really gives sweeping and mopping an extra je ne sais quois when you realize it is a fleeting luxury to be able to do it without thinking about anything else. I am working 6 more weekends. I'll probably make about 10 more trips to the grocery store. I might cut my fingernails one or two more times before I am completely responsible for another human being's very life. Literally everything I do, I think of in this framework. It's become a nasty little habit. But kind of fun too. I don't think of it in a foreboding sense (at least, not usually).

The truth is that things are about to get really fun, and at the same time, the activities of daily life will be a lot harder to accomplish. It is hard for me to think of both of these realities at one time.

Another flower mystery

Anyone know what this beauty is? Adam and I found this on a walk out at my parents' house. Stunning!

Classic Scooby

As usual, he remained 100% unimpressed with all things, including hurricane evacuation.

You knew it was coming!

Tina Fey totally nails it.

Finally

I went a whole day today without hearing "Gustav" AND the DNC and RNC are finally over. Everyone breathe with me now!