Tough Week

For those curious about the details surrounding my grandma's passing...

Several weeks ago, she suffered a small stroke, which did not result in any major deficits. But it was pretty clear after this event that she was weakened and perhaps at the start of a decline. At age 87, none of this was too shocking. Last Saturday, she fell and broke her hip. We all knew a surgical repair was incredibly risky with her age and her recent stroke, but there was really no choice but to operate. So she was cleared medically for surgery and went in at 9:00 Sunday morning. She came through the surgery ok but clearing the anesthesia was taking a lot longer than the nurses were expecting. She was eventually transferred from post-op back to her room, where they were keeping a close eye on her vitals. There was lots of family in the room to greet her as she came to her room from post-op. 3 of her children, several grandchildren, and a handful of great grandchildren. Her blood pressure was on the low side of normal, but nothing scary. The family all dispersed after a little while to let grandma rest. My mom went to her apartment to start boxing up some things, as we knew that she would have to go to the nursing home after discharge for several weeks of rehab and therapy. Very shortly after my mom got to her apartment, she received a call from grandma's nurse telling her she needed to come back to the hospital. When she got there, she of course found out that my grandma had just slipped away. All of it was just too much for her body to handle.

For those of you following me on Facebook, you know it was quite a struggle for me to decide whether to travel up for the funeral or stay my pregnant hiney in Mississippi and find another way to say goodbye. After much deliberation, I chose to go. I was guaranteed to have Joey as a travel buddy, to help with Gus and to be with me in case of early labor. At the last minute, Adam wrapped up enough things at work to be able to go as well. So now I had 2 companions, which made me feel even better about going.

We left early early Wednesday morning and flew into Moline, a quick 45 minute drive away from all the funeral activity. We checked into our hotel and greeted all the cousins and aunts and uncles who were already there. I have an amazing extended family, on both my mom and dad's side. It was such a joy to see them all and a comfort to be with people who were grieving with me. Just a few hours later, we were dressed and on our way to the visitation/wake/viewing of the body. This was hard. Period. The only thing that made this better was the back room full of 9 of her great grandchildren, running around and playing without a care in the world.

After this, we all went back to the hotel and ordered pizza and there was swimming. Adam, Gus, and I tucked in early since we had been awake since 4:30 in the morning. I woke up briefly at midnight and sent my dad on a Tums mission, ha!

Thursday morning, Gus was up at 5:15. Ugh! He gets so excited in hotel rooms. I think he knows that is a rare tv-watching opportunity. And that's exactly what we did - turned on some cartoons to buy a few more minutes of sleep.

The funeral was at the same chapel where my parents were married, where my grandparents had their 50th wedding anniversary party, and where my grandpa was buried 14 years ago. Lots of Engel history at that place. Nick officiated the burial service and did such an amazing job. I was so proud of him. Joey sang, and of course did a beautiful job as well. Adam was honored to be a pallbearer. Grandma really loved Adam, and he will always remember her as the first of my family to be completely welcoming, warm, and accepting of him. This was so typical of her. She was just that way.

After the funeral, we were treated to lunch at the Moose Lodge in Ladd, Illinois by the lovely ladies of the Van Orin Gospel Church, where grandma was a faithful member for more years than I've been alive. It was a typical post-funeral feast of macaroni salad, spaghetti, sandwiches, etc. Incredibly heartwarming comfort food.

During this lunch, my grandma's best friend came up to me and asked me if I remembered her driving with my grandma to come get me at Notre Dame for a break one Thanksgiving. Of course I remembered. Betty! Betty is 91 years old and still getting around without missing a beat. She had just been with my grandma the Monday before her death. Several old ladies of the church would get together and make "lap robes" (blankets) for charity once a week. Anyway, Betty brought me out to her car, saying she had something for me. She handed me a plastic grocery bag and inside was a blanket Grandma had just finished for the new baby. What a treasure this blanket will always be! It will probably be a while before I can look at that blanket without a few tears sneaking out.

After the lunch, we went over to my Uncle Tim's for a bit to sort through some of her things. And then, the trip home. It was a whirlwind 2 days. It was just beginning to seem real that my Nanny had died in March, and now we have to process this as well. It feels like a lot all of a sudden, to be without a grandmother in this life. Both such special, unique, independent, and strong women. I was so blessed. And I remain blessed with all the family that wouldn't exist without either of those women.

I am so incredibly grateful for all the kind words that have come my way. When people say they are praying for you, it means something, and I could feel it. What a thing - to be cared for and loved and prayed for through a big family loss. Many many thanks!