The Birth Story

This long post is for anyone interested in the details of what labor and delivery were like for me and Adam. I'm not going to make any disclaimers like "don't read ahead if you don't want to be grossed out" because there just isn't anything gross about it.

Sunday morning, mom and I went to church across the street. Then Mom went to visit the kids in Ocean Springs and Adam went to his soccer game. I putzed around and was pretty blue, as the Tuesday morning induction was looming. But I needed some alone time, and it was a good, healthy pity party. Early evening, I put the finishing touches on the pot roast that had been cooking all day and fixed a plate for my little old lady neighbor and brought it over to her. Later that night, Adam went to sleep early while me and my mom stayed up. Mom was giving me a pedicure and rubbing lotion on my feet, and we were watching some silly ABC drama with Sally Fields that I love. This is when my contractions started, with Calista Flockhart and Rob Lowe bickering in the background and my belly full of pork and gravy.

They were not painful at all and they were about 7-8 minutes apart, regularly. Mom and I were getting very excited and hopeful. We agreed we'd better get to bed and get some rest in case this proved to be The Real Deal.

I crawled in bed with Adam around 11 and told him I was having regular contractions and to sleep tight. I woke up just before 5 feeling stronger contractions, closer together. These felt more crampy, but still completely tolerable. I got up and started moving so I could assess things better. We determined they were about 5 minutes apart, and we decided Adam probably wouldn't be going to work that day. Now we were all awake and full of anticipation, wondering how the day would go, how fast things would progress, how bad would it get, were we actually having a baby today, etc. It took another hour for it to hit me that I was really in labor. I made myself a fruit smoothie, and then mom drew me a piping hot bath and lit candles and put them all over the bathroom. I put on my ipod and took one of the most satisfying baths of my life. The contractions were definitely getting stronger at this time, I would almost call them painful now. Adam came in with a spoonful of peanut butter and honey for me, and he just sat with me and we were in wonder.

After the bath I took a shower and blow dried my hair, then, voila! My water broke! At 7:50! Right as I was standing in the living room talking to mom! It wasn't some big dramatic gush like in the movies where all of a sudden I'm standing in a huge puddle of amniotic fluid. But it was definitely obvious to me that my membranes had ruptured. Spontaneously, just as they were meant to!!

Now it was time to call the doula. She had an errand to run and then would be over right after that. Contractions were definitely taking on a new quality around this time. Adam and I just paced around the house. I couldn't sit down or lie down anymore. I had to be up and moving. We went outside and walked around the yard. We walked up and down the block. The dogs were very very worried. We were certainly behaving strangely, and the energy in the house was high and brand new. There is no doubt in my mind that they were tuned into this.

Now as we were walking, when I felt a contraction, we had to stop and I had to lean into Adam and we would just sway back and forth. That really helped me cope. He helped me keep my breathing under control. It was starting to hurt, but I was still ok with being home, even though my contractions were now 2-3 minutes apart.

The doula showed up around 9:30. She gave me some back massages and had me squatting through my contractions to help bring the baby down. This also felt great! We kept a hot sack of rice on my back through contractions too, which felt amazing. I was starting to feel a little nauseous at this time, so I sniffed some peppermint oil to help deal with that.

Around 10 I started to think more seriously about going to the hospital. Even though I was dealing well with things at home, I was concerned about things speeding up too quickly. I didn't want to show up at the hospital in transition, just as close to it as possible.

We loaded up the bags and I squatted by the car for one more contraction at home. Then off we went! It was very strange to leave the house that one last time, knowing that the next time I opened the gate and scratched the dogs on the nose, I would have a baby in my arms.

The ride to the hospital was manageable. We only live about 2 miles from there. Mom filmed the entire ride, hilariously. When we got to the drop-off point, there was a moment of confusion regarding a black bag, and this really really annoyed me. Ha! The matter was settled without my involvement, and Adam and I headed up to the floor while mom parked the car.

We got checked in and they put us in this tiny room and, of course, hooked me up to the monitors right away and had me lying on my back. A few minutes later I told them I had to pee, so they unhooked me and Adam and I went into the bathroom and stayed in there for a few contractions. I was trying to drag this moment out because I didn't want to get back in the bed. A quick check showed that I was 5 cm. This is where things REALLY started to pick up. It was about 11:30 now, and I was really having to focus during the contractions. I believe I was still able to talk through them, but just barely. Now I was zeroing in on my breathing. In through the nose. Out through the mouth.

Around noon they moved me to the big delivery room. Boy things were starting to hurt, but I still felt like I was in control. I was not thinking about drugs or an epidural. I was thinking about my breathing, and I was trying to savor those moments between contractions. Adam, my mom, the doula, and the nurse were all at my side, feeding me ice chips, offering words of encouragement. It helped to think of all the other women laboring with me at that very moment. It helped to think of the billions of creatures who have done this safely, without incident, without drugs, without drama. It helped to think of my Happy Place, this little peaceful swimming hole in New Hampshire called the Piermont Puddle. I thought of myself in the full hot sun, floating on my neon green raft, waiting for Adam to get off work and come do his perfect dive off the diving board.

Each cervical check showed tremendous progress, and, wouldn't you know it, all of a sudden, around 2:15, I was nearly complete. The nurse declared that it was nearly time to start pushing. This moment was the scariest. There was instantly a flurry of activity in the room, all kinds of new people in and out, moving carts across the room and asking each other about equipment and where is this and where is that, and then the really scary part - the breaking down of my bed. The stirrups were up! I remember just staring at them with an almost total detachment. I looked at Adam and he must have seen my fear. I think I saw fear in him too. I just couldn't believe I was about to have to push this baby out.

The doctor came in and sat down. The nurse and the doula told me what to do, how to breathe through the pushing. Mom had the video camera, Adam had my hand, the doula had my other hand. And then there I was, pushing. I took me one try to get my breathing right. But then the next try, the baby was coming out. I did not feel the "ring of fire" that a lot of women feel. Or, if I did, it wasn't as intensely as other women feel it. It was definitely a brand new sensation, so totally different from the contractions that it was a sort of relief, in a way. But it still hurt, don't get me wrong. This was by far the most surreal moment of my life. 3 pushes later, and this little purple baby popped out. Someone must have said "it's a boy" at this point but I don't remember it. I just remember looking at Adam and not really having any thoughts in my head. It was like I was outside of time and space, just watching what was happening, what these other people were doing. I guess because I had gone so inside of myself for that last hour or so of labor, I was still in that place when the baby was born and you don't just snap out of that.

What DID snap me out of that was when the doctor started stitching up my tear. That was absolute hell. The worst part of it all. I was trying so hard now to pay attention to what was going on on the other side of the room. I saw Adam over there with the baby and it finally sunk in that it was a boy. I asked what he weighed. 8 pounds, 1 ounce they said. 20 inches they said. I delivered the placenta a few minutes later, without pitocin. It just sort of slid right out without too much effort. That was a major relief.

The doula was still at my side, trying to help me deal with getting stitched up. The doctor got stern with me because I was making her job terribly difficult by not relaxing. I finally agreed to pain medication but I asked for the mildest drug in the smallest dose, which did very little to dull the pain. It just made me sort of foggy-headed, which I really regret.

Someone finally brought the baby to me, and it was wild to hold him for the first time. I thought he was beautiful. I didn't bother with trying to pick apart his features and determine what he got from whom. I just looked at him and loved him and wondered at him and how he was not here the day before and now he was. His eyes were open, and he was alert. Here was our baby!

The cord had been around his neck, which is not all that uncommon and is easily dealt with. But the interesting thing is that there was a knot in his cord. It is called a True Knot, and it happens with abnormally long cords. It is rare, and my guess is that Gus is pretty lucky to have survived it. It was quite a site to see his umbilical cord tied up in a knot like that.

The 45-minute stitch job was finally complete! I was all cleaned up and all of those people I didn't know had finally left the room. I put the baby to the breast and he took to it right away, for just a few minutes. Adam and I, of course, were just amazed and in awe. Mom left to go get Nick, Cristi, and the kids, who had been waiting in the waiting room for hours. They came in around 4 or 4:30 and it was so special and beautiful to see them at that moment. It made me so incredibly happy to see Emmaline and Merritt especially because they have been so excited with me these past 9 months. Having the baby meet them finally was such a precious moment. And any of you would have died on the spot had you seen the sweetness of Bram laying eyes on the baby for the first time. I have never seen such tender and pure wonder and excitement.

They took the baby to the nursery for the bath and the examination, and Adam went with the baby. Not too much later, the 3 of us were finally in the recovery room together, our little nuclear family!

It was, to say the least, an incredibly amazing experience. I will always be proud that I gave birth without drugs. It was a goal of mine from the very beginning, and I was able to accomplish it with the help and support of my husband, first and foremost. But also of my mother, my doula, my nurse, and all of you guys who encouraged me and told me I could do it.

The most helpful thing, for me, was to never let fear take control. I did not allow myself, in the 36 weeks I knew I was pregnant, to be afraid of what was eventually coming. I did not have even the remotest sense of dread regarding the pain of labor. I just accepted it as a part of things that I would have to get through. Also incredibly helpful was not obsessing over time during labor. This actually made time pass very quickly. I cannot believe I had a 10-hour labor. It really felt much shorter than that.

I don't think I will ever be able to get Adam to understand how amazing he was and how I was only able to do it because of him. I have never been more in love with my husband. To see him holding our baby so lovingly and being so involved already in his care has made me happier than ever that this is the man I chose to live my life with.

But now I've gone and gotten really sappy. Oops. Really didn't mean to do that. But it's kinda hard to talk about the birth of your first baby without getting pretty sentimental.

If you made it this far in the story, I'm mighty impressed. For any of you ladies out there who haven't had a baby yet, let me just say that, from my experience, it is nothing to be scared of. The pain is limited, purposeful, and natural. You get through it, and when it's over, it's over, and you really do forget. And the reward on the other end is, of course, worth twice the pain.

p.s. In the interest of full disclosure, I DID ask for drugs near the very end. But everyone gently and lovingly reminded me how important it was to me to do it without and assured me that I was very close to having the baby. So, there you have it.