Elusive Sleep

Between constant pressure on my bladder, the frequent need to reposition myself because of hip pain or leg cramps or general discomfort, being hot, being thirsty, just generally being restless, I am not sleeping well these days, no matter how tired I am. I don't mean to complain. I realize I signed up for this. I am just stating some unpleasant facts, if you'll allow.

Last night was the worst. I was totally engrossed in a book until about midnight, feeling that guilt with every passing minute that, gosh, I should really put this book down and get some sleep already. When I finally did, I was up 30 minutes later headed to the bathroom. From the hallway, I glanced into the kitchen and saw something out of the corner of my eye, a scurrying movement. It moved from one corner of the kitchen and did a full lap in the blink of an eye, before I could really process what I was seeing. I am 90% sure it was a mouse. I thought, EEEEEK!!! But I only said,  "Adam, a mouse, I think I saw a mouse," as I stood totally helpless in the hallway, realizing there was nothing we could do at this point because the mouse was long gone to its super secret hiding place that he probably reached by distorting the diameter of his little body down to the size of my fingertip. Gross!! Then I went and stood in the doorway of our bedroom and watched my husband not even remotely budge from his super peaceful slumber. Jerk!

I crawled back in bed with my unfinished bladder business, a complete and useless wimp. Then I heard big huge thumps and thuds on the porch but didn't think much of it. Dogs being dogs. I fell back asleep. Woke up about an hour later, looked out the window and saw Jesse, by the light of the moon, dragging some monstrous and recently dead possum across the yard. EW!!!!! He got it right up next to our window and then saw me watching. So he dropped the possum and shied away to bed, leaving the carcass right in full view from our bed. Thanks buddy!

It was all downhill from there. Coffee is brewing and plans are made for going to get some mouse traps this morning. Happy Thursday to you!

Tough Week

For those curious about the details surrounding my grandma's passing...

Several weeks ago, she suffered a small stroke, which did not result in any major deficits. But it was pretty clear after this event that she was weakened and perhaps at the start of a decline. At age 87, none of this was too shocking. Last Saturday, she fell and broke her hip. We all knew a surgical repair was incredibly risky with her age and her recent stroke, but there was really no choice but to operate. So she was cleared medically for surgery and went in at 9:00 Sunday morning. She came through the surgery ok but clearing the anesthesia was taking a lot longer than the nurses were expecting. She was eventually transferred from post-op back to her room, where they were keeping a close eye on her vitals. There was lots of family in the room to greet her as she came to her room from post-op. 3 of her children, several grandchildren, and a handful of great grandchildren. Her blood pressure was on the low side of normal, but nothing scary. The family all dispersed after a little while to let grandma rest. My mom went to her apartment to start boxing up some things, as we knew that she would have to go to the nursing home after discharge for several weeks of rehab and therapy. Very shortly after my mom got to her apartment, she received a call from grandma's nurse telling her she needed to come back to the hospital. When she got there, she of course found out that my grandma had just slipped away. All of it was just too much for her body to handle.

For those of you following me on Facebook, you know it was quite a struggle for me to decide whether to travel up for the funeral or stay my pregnant hiney in Mississippi and find another way to say goodbye. After much deliberation, I chose to go. I was guaranteed to have Joey as a travel buddy, to help with Gus and to be with me in case of early labor. At the last minute, Adam wrapped up enough things at work to be able to go as well. So now I had 2 companions, which made me feel even better about going.

We left early early Wednesday morning and flew into Moline, a quick 45 minute drive away from all the funeral activity. We checked into our hotel and greeted all the cousins and aunts and uncles who were already there. I have an amazing extended family, on both my mom and dad's side. It was such a joy to see them all and a comfort to be with people who were grieving with me. Just a few hours later, we were dressed and on our way to the visitation/wake/viewing of the body. This was hard. Period. The only thing that made this better was the back room full of 9 of her great grandchildren, running around and playing without a care in the world.

After this, we all went back to the hotel and ordered pizza and there was swimming. Adam, Gus, and I tucked in early since we had been awake since 4:30 in the morning. I woke up briefly at midnight and sent my dad on a Tums mission, ha!

Thursday morning, Gus was up at 5:15. Ugh! He gets so excited in hotel rooms. I think he knows that is a rare tv-watching opportunity. And that's exactly what we did - turned on some cartoons to buy a few more minutes of sleep.

The funeral was at the same chapel where my parents were married, where my grandparents had their 50th wedding anniversary party, and where my grandpa was buried 14 years ago. Lots of Engel history at that place. Nick officiated the burial service and did such an amazing job. I was so proud of him. Joey sang, and of course did a beautiful job as well. Adam was honored to be a pallbearer. Grandma really loved Adam, and he will always remember her as the first of my family to be completely welcoming, warm, and accepting of him. This was so typical of her. She was just that way.

After the funeral, we were treated to lunch at the Moose Lodge in Ladd, Illinois by the lovely ladies of the Van Orin Gospel Church, where grandma was a faithful member for more years than I've been alive. It was a typical post-funeral feast of macaroni salad, spaghetti, sandwiches, etc. Incredibly heartwarming comfort food.

During this lunch, my grandma's best friend came up to me and asked me if I remembered her driving with my grandma to come get me at Notre Dame for a break one Thanksgiving. Of course I remembered. Betty! Betty is 91 years old and still getting around without missing a beat. She had just been with my grandma the Monday before her death. Several old ladies of the church would get together and make "lap robes" (blankets) for charity once a week. Anyway, Betty brought me out to her car, saying she had something for me. She handed me a plastic grocery bag and inside was a blanket Grandma had just finished for the new baby. What a treasure this blanket will always be! It will probably be a while before I can look at that blanket without a few tears sneaking out.

After the lunch, we went over to my Uncle Tim's for a bit to sort through some of her things. And then, the trip home. It was a whirlwind 2 days. It was just beginning to seem real that my Nanny had died in March, and now we have to process this as well. It feels like a lot all of a sudden, to be without a grandmother in this life. Both such special, unique, independent, and strong women. I was so blessed. And I remain blessed with all the family that wouldn't exist without either of those women.

I am so incredibly grateful for all the kind words that have come my way. When people say they are praying for you, it means something, and I could feel it. What a thing - to be cared for and loved and prayed for through a big family loss. Many many thanks!

Yet another reason working weekends is FOR THE BIRDS

Guess who is coming to the Hard Rock in Biloxi Saturday night??
MiniKiss!

For those of you not in-the-know (which included me, yesterday, before Adam alerted me to their existence), MiniKiss is a Kiss cover band composed of only midgets.

I am having a hard time coming up with a better idea than this. Brilliance.

She WHAT in all her WHATS??

It's a cliche for a reason. Many doctors have really really bad penmanship. I try to read all the recent progress notes regarding my patients, but certain doctors' notes I just skip right over, without the hope of ever interpreting them. If it's an actual order, of course I have no choice but to spend the time to figure out what he or she is telling me to do, usually with the help of other nurses and the secretary.

Recently, I was reading through notes on one of my patients by a doctor who I don't normally have too much trouble figuring out. But one sentence gave me pause. I thought, surely he didn't mean to say this... but what else could this be? This patient was in for stomach complaints. I settled on: "She farts in all her pants." And I lost it completely.

Very unprofessionally, I called my coworkers over to read this jewel of a note as I laughed hysterically and even had to leave the area for a moment to recollect myself. This doc doesn't have a reputation for always using the most technical medical jargon, but this was just absurd.

Oh how I laughed and laughed and was even a little proud of myself for finding such entertainment for all of us at the beginning of our long shift ahead. Of course, when I showed it to people, I read it to them aloud as I pointed to the writing. Once you plant the "she farts in all her pants" seed in someone's head, it's hard for them to see anything else. Later, I asked one of my coworkers, who had missed this scene completely, to read me that note and tell me what she thought it said.

"She hurts in all her parts."

Oh. Yeah. That makes a lot more sense.

Sweet sweet Gus

I went to this great little coffee shop in Long Beach this morning in an old bank and met up with a friend back from my Woodlawn days. We were sitting there chatting and Gus, as usual, was all over the place. This adorable old couple sat down at a table near us. The woman pulled out her library book, and the man set up his Kindle and they were reading happily. They kept looking at Gus and smiling. Of course he was cheesing right back. But then he went right up to the old man and put his head on his leg and gave him the sweetest little love-pat you ever saw.

I love Gus.

Still Here

Hard to think about where to start in updating this blog. I think it needs a fresh look; maybe that will inspire me to pick up my blogging frequency.

Like the rest of the hemisphere, we are tickled to death that spring is here. Gus is obsessed with being outside, so I think I see what our lives are going to look like for the next several months. And I like it!

I'm going to sit down and some point and write about my Nanny passing. Many thanks to all of you for the thoughts and prayers. They were deeply felt and incredibly helpful. It was a great reminder of how loving and thoughtful people are.

YES!

Ultrasound results

So we just got back from the doctor's office and it's a..................

ANOTHER BOY!!!!!!

(Or a girl)

We don't know. We didn't find out.

Mwah ha ha ha!

Dang

A whole month has passed without a blog post? I have been a busy bee!!

The first order of business: Baby L #2. I am 20 weeks along and have an ultrasound scheduled a week from tomorrow. We are actually considering finding out the sex this time, believe it or not!! This inclination is mainly due to a slip of the tongue at the first ultrasound, wherein the tech said something that makes us strongly suspect we are having a boy. Now, we kinda feel like we may as well just confirm what we're 99% sure of anyway.

BUT, wouldn't it be fun to go in, so confident it's a boy, and then out pops a little baby girl!?

I am really on the fence. It was such great fun not knowing with Gus. But we feel like we already know with this one, so why not just take that final step?

I do think it's nice though for babies to be allowed to declare themselves at birth. There are so few mysteries anymore, and keeping this detectable fact about your unborn seems sometimes, to me, like the right thing to do.

Thoughts?

Hell's Soundtrack

NEVER in my life have I had less of a desire to purchase something than this mp3 on iTunes:

Ke$ha, feat. 3OH!3 "Blah Blah Blah"

And this is not one of those "Oh I'm getting so old... Kids these days!" kind of repulsions. This is just a downright travesty for all ages, for all times, that this is the top song on iTunes right now, that it could be the top song for anyone or anything.

I need to go lie down.

Just another manic Monday

It's so weird what I go through on Monday mornings. The elation of completing a week's work at the hospital, coupled with extreme exhaustion, then add to that the depressing sight of Adam toting Gus off to daycare, after I haven't spent any quality time with either of them for 3 days. But then, it's nice to have the house to myself for a day, and I refuse to feel guilty for that, even though I know what a luxury it is.

It's pretty cool to be done with work until Friday, when most of the rest of the working world is just getting started on their work week. Makes me feel like I'm getting away with something. On the flip side, going to work on Friday night just flat-out SUCKS.

I am especially looking forward to tonight with my boys. It has been a few weeks since Adam and I have really spent any quality time together. Between me working an extra job and Adam working insanely long hours at his job lately, it's just been hard to connect.

Tonight I plan to make my man a quality dinner and cuddle up on the couch and watch episodes of Dexter while we watch Gus toddle around in his ridiculously cute learning-how-to-walk manner. And there just might be a pint of Ben and Jerry's in there somewhere.

Christmas snapshots

A sign that you live in the South

You go to several grocery stores on New Year's Eve and are not surprised in the least (but still disappointed) to find that they are all out of the very thing you are looking for - ham hocks.

Post-Christmas Stroll

We took the kids on a nice long walk downtown yesterday to see the new palm trees the city planted. It turned into such a fun adventure. Here's a sweet pic of mom and dad and all of their much-loved grandchildren.

How much is Bram breaking your heart in this photo?

Gus meets Santa. And loves him!

He looks a little skeptical, but I know he loved him. Santa even gave him a kiss on the top of the head!